I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
