I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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