...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
