i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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