I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
