dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
