He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
