I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize