we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
