Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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