Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize