i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
