I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
