i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
