Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
