Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i've created a new STD.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
