Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
