This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
