So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
