And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
