i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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