She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
