I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
