I've blown a few things in my day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
