i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
