I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
