My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
