I just saw a hot homeless man
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
