Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
