I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
