please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
