Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
