hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize