wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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