omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
