yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
