why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
