In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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