Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
