Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
