he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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