Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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