Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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