508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
