Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
