Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
