Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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