hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
