If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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