I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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