I can text with my tongue
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize