Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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