yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if only i could text you this smell
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
