I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
