Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
