haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize