I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
