This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
