I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
