Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
