I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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