I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
