Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
