I just saw a hot homeless man
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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