nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
