help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
