Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
