My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
