16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
