It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
its liver damage thursday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
