Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
