i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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