Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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