Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
