Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
