i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
