I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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