You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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