i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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