Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
