Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
