Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
