and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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