my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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