Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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