Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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