there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
