I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
