Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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