My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I know her cup size but not her name....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
