put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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