Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
